Wednesday, May 16, 2007


So, getting somewhere/nowhere (delete as applicable) with my monologues, I posted to my tutor:
I've tried to pull out all the self-referencing statements ofhumiliation and knowing and specifically opened up the opening and the discovering the weapons. I'm still a little fuzzy on it being mono-modal though because I'm not sure if there are still any moments that could be bettered through showing rather than the fictional descriptions of self.

So, I believe these two point might still be outstanding on the current attachment:
  1. You still occasionally shove the narrator's mental state down the audience's throat instead of thinking about how it can be shown through words and actions.
  2. You need to take the opportunities to evoke place whenever they arise- it's still rather mono-modal, stuck inside this very unusual

To which he's replied (postively - yay!):

Yes, better, but you diagnose the issues well! Try not to give the gameaway every time you take the story on to the next stage ('That's where I discovered Grandpa's firearms' - 'firearms' makes the narrator soundlike a policeman, and we need the suspense of finding out what he found). Look for other examples of this narrative overloading - there are a few.

Lots still to do in the mental-athletics of my mind. Though, looking back over the weeks of input I've had from my tutor I start to wonder, wouldn't this have been easier without the middle-man? My tutor could have written it better on his own. :)

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