Sebald - Chapter Analysis - Part Two

My thanks to Geoff for this in-depth analysis of what Sebald is doing within chapter five:

In section five we can see why Sebald considered this work fiction. On page 104 he comes out of a dream and into a world where he half remembers a documentary on Roger Casement. What follows may appear to be a disingenuous reconstruction of something half remembered used as a tool to allow Sebald to bring Conrad and Casement into the narrative. There follows an extensive 'remembered', exact quotation from Conrad beginning 'I've seen him start off…' which could be taken at face value but is surely too precise. Sebald takes a device (a 'few' lines remembered) and stretches it's credibility for a reason. It sets the scene.

This sleight of hand eases the reader into Sebald's intention, to talk about Conrad and Casement in a way that reflects on the nature of history and reality. We're not given a reason for the decision to retell the stories but given the stimulus. In approaching Conrad, Sebald marshals his research and presents us with something approaching 'faction' - facts dramatised. At the top of 105 he imagines how Conrad would have felt. Sebald complements this with a direct intervention by Conrad - an extract from his letters, which prepares us for another 'reimagining' - leaving the family home in the Ukraine. Sebald imagines the time where Grandmother behaves 'stoically', Mama is 'inconsolable' and a cousin 'indicates horror'. What follows, Conrad's life story, for another half page is a mini historical re-enactment/historical fiction.

The historical reconstruction moves through Conrad's life with his father and at one point (page 108) becomes almost lyrical - Apollo burns his manuscripts and a 'weightless flake of soot ash like a scrap of black silk would drift through the room'. As his father dies Conrad has 'fear in his heart'. Given Sebald's dislike of sentimentality and cliché there seems at this point to be a degree of contradiction inherent in the retelling. Again on 109 Sebald makes no pretence of attempting objectivity, instead he speculates as to whether or not the funeral prompted Conrad to think of becoming a 'sea captain'.

Sebald manipulates the reader's response at this point. He has prepared Conrad to be launched on the world but delays that first with a diversionary picture (Mount Pele) and then with a digression into the life of Dona Rita who may or may not be Paula Horvath. It's as if at this point Sebald wants us to see that he is holding together both what is real (the photograph) and what is uncertain (the question of Rita's identity).

Again Sebald moves Conrad's life along but throws in an attempted 'suicide' to hold our attention before reminding us again of the overall physically journey of the book by returning us with Conrad to Lowestoft and the East Anglian coast.

As if to mark this moment of restatement on Page 114 we see again one of the book's constant preoccupations, Sebald's concern to look at the way in which life and expectations, reality and imagination are layered. Using the local papers from the time Sebald shows how Conrad's arrival in England was insignificant. Sebald shows how the world turned without him, how time changes perspectives.

Returning to Conrad's life Sebald can't resist the storyteller's urge to enliven a tale - he uses Conrad's journey home to entertain us with the story of the deaf mute with a map of the small country world in his head. In some ways this light, almost magical interlude, works to reassure the reader and leave him unprepared for Sebald's real intention in this section - to reveal man's darkness, inhumanity and depravity. What follows is a terrible indictment of the Belgian rule and exploitation, grimly mocked by Sebald on 122 where he depicts their Belgian descendants as a population blighted by ' a 'strikingly stunted growth'. He damns Belgium as a country where in a day he encountered 'more hunchbacks and lunatics than normally in a whole year'. It's as if he wants the race to be poisoned by their past. He wants us to see their spiritual sickness made physical.

At this point, Sebald wanders off into a Belgian interlude and we visit Waterloo. Here he slyly introduces us to mummers re-enacting the war. That is what Sebald had been doing in his prose. Remaking the past. To make sure we register the point he says simply, 'This then, I thought as I looked about me, is the representation of history. It requires a falsification of perspective.' To make sure we dwell upon the heart of the book Sebald asks 'Are we standing on a mountain of death. Is that our ultimate vantage point?'

(Interestingly Sebald fails to connect with the battle until in his minds eye he sees 'a cannonball smash through a row of poplars'. It's not damage to people that moves him but damage to nature (126) an emotion echoed in the later storm section.

Sebald finally introduces Casement after conjuring up the picture of a contented Belgian pensioner cutting up meat. This is how people are who have forgotten the 'utterly merciless exploitation of the blacks'. Casement is someone who cannot forget. In Sebald's hands Casement becomes a tragic hero. Sebald presents Casement's lone and ineffective fight to change conditions in Africa. Equally we see in this fight the seeds of Casement's own destruction. It's inevitable that Casement, exposed and sensitised by his experience should respond so strongly to the plight of Ireland. Casement's story is not romanticised - that history is factual, objective, complemented by pictures of the man and his writing as if to say, this was real.

Only in the ending does Sebald become subjective - he draws a conclusion - Casement's own isolation as a homosexual sensitised him to the oppression of others. By being this overt Sebald demands a response from the reader. After all the facts he turns to them and asks them to make choices. Responding to history, approaching reality, is all about making choices.

Sebald - Chapter Analysis - Part One

Breaking down a Chapter of Sebald’s The Rings of Saturn, paragraph by paragraph - this serves to show the subject of the paragraph and the sweeping contents, the nature by which Sebald expertly (or in some cases, inexpertly) crosses from one time or topic to another. In so producing this text it should be possible for you the reader to work out 1) how Psycho-geography is manifested (the change between Sebald and Conrad or Casement as subject in the text), and 2) how relatively easy it is to jump topics simply by shoe-horning in one topic on top of another (though you still need to read the chapter itself to really appreciate it)

Observations of the text:

• Paragraphs run on for pages, covering multiple topics
• Quotations exist within the main paragraphs. Not delineated by quotes, or on separate line – so that the reader feels almost as if Sebald is still speaking (which, of course, he is – through his research). At some points backtracking is required to ensure the reader knows who is currently speaking: Sebald or one of his topics
• October and April (especially) play a big role in the text – major events occur during these months – Autumn and Spring – Death and resurrection
• When references to Konrad are changed to Korzeniowski I became lost as to who he was (no longer the writer to be, but someone else). Lost in the text I became confused as to who he was and why any of what I was reading had any relevance. There were hints of Heart of Darkness, and I was sure that he was Joseph Conrad, but I couldn’t relate it midtext
• Opens and ends with Casement, but the majority is about Conrad – Casement becomes a subnote – Sebald is more interested in Congolese holocaust, and Casement’s his way in to that
• Description which accompanies Sebald’s sleep is the key to other moments of colour in the rest of the chapter – possibly true, but not really accurate.
• Sebald forgoes quotations because he wants everything to serve his purpose – theme and synchronicity. Reality and quoting wouldn’t allow this. So, by avoiding quotes he can put words in the mouths of the historical figures. This doesn’t distract from the facts – because much of what is covered (if not all) really did happen and that’s what’s important. Glossing up the text with these semi-fictitious anecdotes allows Sebald to avoid didactics while making clear the horror of the human race. When he fills in Conrad, he is doing what thousands of writers have down to people like Achilles – mythologizing. The big facts and the character remain the same.
• Pictures are sometimes irrelevant but like the made up anecdotes these fictional descriptions help provide hooks for the reader to keep them going

Paragraph 1

Sebald in Southwold

• BBC documentary about Casement (executed in 1916 for treason)
• Sebald sleeps through it and wakes only to remember its opening (Casement met Joseph Conrad in the Congo)

Conrad’s account of Casement
Sebald to reconstruct the documentary himself

Paragraph 2

Jozef Teodor Konrad and his parents (the Korzeniowskas) - 1861

• Russian revolt; Polish National Committee meetings (mid October)
• Konrad observes and initiated (end of October); his father (Apollo) arrested
• Military tribunal exiles Apollo to Vologda
• Apollo describes (in letter of 1863) Vologda – green winter (death)

Paragraph 3

Konrad and his parents

• Konrad’s mother’s (Evelina) tuberculosis worsens in Vologda
• Authorities allow Evelina and Konrad a longer stay in Ukraine before going to Vologda
• Evelina on the day of departure (more dead than alive), neighbours looking on
• *Slips into present tense with this paragraph: I didn’t realise until: “Not a single word is spoken”*
• Description of the carriage, and of Konrad inside; cousin’s finger tips (indicate horror)
• The governess, the leaving, district police, the commandant

Paragraph 4

Konrad and his parents

• *Back to past tense*
• (Early April 1865) Evelina dies; Apollo, a writer (as Konrad will become), can’t work – trying to translate Victor Hugo
• 1867 (days before Christmas) Apollo released from exile – poor and ill
• Travel to Lemberg, short stay, then Cracow – grief stricken for wasted years
• Konrad’s patriotic play, and Apollo having burnt all his own manuscripts
• Description of burning – mention of ash like black silk
• Apollo’s death – waning away, witnessed by Konrad (reading adventure books)

Paragraph 5

Konrad

• Apollo’s funeral – silent cortege lead by Konrad (aged 11)
• Observation of the place and weather, and suggestion that Konrad decides to become a sea captain
• Three years later, Konrad expresses his wish to his uncle (Tadeusz)
• Tadeusz tries several things to stop Konrad
• 14^th October 1874 – Konrad (not yet 17) leaves Cracow by train to Marseilles (not to return for 16 years)

Paragraph 6

Konrad

• 1875 – he crosses the Atlantic (barque: Mont Blanc) and travels
• Narrowly avoids the eruption of Mount Pelee
• Description of cargo and Konrad in Marseilles (salon of Mme Delestrang)
• Description of Mme Delestrang’s husband (a banker) and his shady involvements
• Konrad (here forth referred to as Korzeniowski) involved with a mysterious lady
• Lady (lacking true identiy in history texts), called Rita (perhaps also Paula) – mistress of Don Carlos (to be instated on Spanish throne)
• Nov 1877 – Don Carlos returns to Vienna with his lady – suspicion of them being same person (Rita vanished when Baroness arrives)
• Konrad avails himself upon the lady and shoots himself (Feb 1877) either attempted suicide or in a duel
• Some mention of Operas and what Konrad could have written but…
• 24^th April 1878: Konrad leaves for Constantinople
• 18^th June 1878: arrives in Lowestoft (England)

Paragraph 7

Konrad

• Konrad’s time in Lowestoft – unfamiliar place, people and language (but which he will learn to write with)
• Konrad learns from the local papers
• List of news items from the time (Wigan mine explosion; Mohammedan uprising in Rumelia; suppression of kafir unrest in South Africa; education of fair sex suggestion; inspection of Indian troops; Whitby housemaid burns herself alive (accidentally); Largo Bay leaves with Scottish emigrants; lady suffers a stroke when her son returns home; Queen of Spain grows weak; Slaving coolies work on fortifying Hong Kong; highway robberies in Bosnia – travelling at a standstill
  

Paragraph 8

Konrad

• Feb 1890 – Konrad returns to aunt and uncle
• Description of arriving and boy (mute) – lots of deaths, boy survived, impeccable sense of direction
• Description of the place and weatheriness

Paragraph 9

Konrad

• Before 1890 (and going home) Konrad signs up for the Congo trip
• He writes a letter to his aunt; description of unchanging coast
• The travelling; then description of the Congo

Colonialism and The Opening of the Congo

• King Leopold’s reach for the Congo
• Leopold becomes (1885) ruler of the Congo; ruthless and greedy trade/slavery begins
• Disease and death for the labourers (Congolese slaves) 5,000,000 deaths in 10 years, but increase in share prices

Paragraph 10

Konrad

• Konrad’s arrival and travelling across land
• Description of Matadi
• Description of slave labour (as per Marlow from Heart of Darkness)
• Death, continued work, massive workloads
• Konrad’s further journey – despicable Harou (companion)
• Konrad’s guilt, and on the Roi des Belges
• Konrad’s sickness (body and spirit), and writing
• Konrad leaves the Congo, reaches Ostend (same port used by Kafka’s uncle, Loewy, a few days later)
• Loewy and Panama, then at Matadi, then awarded Gold Medal by Leopold
• Konrad arrives in Belgium – sees the Congolese secret in everybody

Sebald’s recollection

• *No paragraph change – narrator interjection*
• Dec 1964 – Sebald in Brussels
• Billiard player
• Hotel Bois de la Cambre and its African trophies
• Ugliness of the Lion Monument on site of the Battle of Waterloo
• Emptiness of Waterloo, then Napoleonic costumed parade
• Waterloo Panorama – observations of the fields and the fake replication
• Waterloo mural – falsification of perspective
• Meditation on truth of battle and the mountain of death
• At Brighton – told of two copses of trees (Wellington and three-cornered hat)
• Listens to recount of battle in Flemish (only understand minute bits)

Waterloo survivor’s retelling

• Observation of the field, injuries, etc

Sebald

• In Waterloo, watched a hunched pensioner (she would have been born at the time the Congo railway was completed)

Paragraph 11

Casement

• Awareness of Casement to Congo problem in 1903
• Casement’s report against the horrors and inhumanity of the Congo
• Leopold invites Casement to Brussels to placate him
• Casement praised for work but nothing done
• Casement transferred to South America
• Casement exposes similar horrors in Peru, Columbia and Brazil
• Casement’s new report pisses off London
• Casement next brings up the “Irish problem”
• Description of the Irish problem
• Casement raises up the Irish against the British
• Casement tries and fails to rally Germany to help
• Casement arrested, advises the uprising of his failure but they go ahead
• Uprising fails and Casement tried (Black Diary brought up – homosexual slur used against him)
• Plausibility of Black Diary called into question

Sebald’s observation

• 1994 – Diaries proved to be in Casement’s hand
• Sebald suggests Casement’s homosexuality lent him sensitivity to all this horror

Casement

• Casement tried, found guilty and hanged

Sebald’s observation

• 1965 – Casement’s bones unburied from lime pit in Pentonville prison

60 Words - A Luncheon Unfinished

Wired magazine said:

Hemingway once wrote a story in just six words ("For sale: baby shoes, never worn.") and is said to have called it his best work.

We've all heard it. Short, sharp, and most importantly, poignant. At NAW some of the students have elected themselves to run a 60 word short story competition, and I, in my infinite wisdom, chose to enter, but rather than just scoot off an entry, I sat on it, and toyed with the idea (quite the way I don't normally toy with an idea before writing it). So, here's the brief:

Write a story with a 60 word limit and you can use the word 'lunch' as often as you like without it counting toward the word limit.

And here are the break downs of my entry from original version to final:

Title: A Luncheon Unfinished

Lunch, she thought, had done her in. Lunch, she forsook, half eaten; discarded like a Queen fearing poison. She struggled to the bathroom, tasting lunchtime’s heartburn. Her tablets, within reach – BANG – like an egg in a microwave! She crumpled in the hallway, a shrivelling soufflé… Still. Lunch was her last breath. Lunch, strewn upon the coffee table, waits on; a luncheon unfinished.

It didn't help my inspiration that Laura's nan had passed away recently - a shock that left the family reeling, God rest her - and as you can see my output is of the same ilk (though lunch had nothing to do with her death). I had this great sense of loss, and I couldn't help the thought of her having got up to go to the bathroom and simply collapsing there all alone at 4 in the morning, dead in a heartbeat, with no one to know until many hours later. In a way it feels like I'm sold out to use her as inspiration at all, preying on such a vulnerable subject, and certainly twisting the reality to include the sillyness of "lunch", but that's the nature of the beast of writing isn't it?

Anyhoo, I felt the need to work lunch into the frame of the story - since that was the theme (if you will) of the competition, and so decided that it would be lunch "what done her in"... or so she thought. Queens fearing poison, microwaved eggs and shrivelled souffles all came to me inspirationally. The death itself has its obvious origins.

I don't like the first line though - it's a waste of words - and though it's a nice contrast to the Queen reference, it's all implied by the remainder of the story. I could spread those words elsewhere to evoke some senses - gas and tightening. And though it has a poetic feel, "Lunch was her last breath" doesn't really work. So:

She forsook lunch, half eaten; discarded it like a Queen fearing poison and struggled to the bathroom. She could taste lunchtime’s heartburn in her throat, its gas on her breath. Everything was tightening. Her tablets, within reach – BANG – like an egg in a microwave! She crumpled in the hallway, a shrivelling soufflé… Still. Lunch, strewn upon the coffee table, waits on; a luncheon unfinished.

I continued to play with the Queen motive and the structure of that sentence, developed further the taste/smell of the gas (foul) - gas, egg, souffle all help to conjure this singular idea of eggs doesn't it (doesn't it?) - and made the microwaved egg and crumple and souffle into a single, run-on sentence to see how it sounds:

She forsook lunch, half eaten, like a Queen fearing poison. She struggled to the bathroom, tasting lunchtime’s heartburn in her throat; foul gas on her breath. Everything tightened. Her tablets, within reach – BANG! Her heart gave out like an egg in a microwave and she crumpled in the hallway, a shrivelling soufflé… Still. Lunch, strewn upon the coffee table, waits on; a luncheon unfinished.

"Everything tightened" isn't a great line. It's a waste really, and her heart "giving out" is woolly at best. It's interesting to see what lines I feel are the spinal cord of the piece and that I seem to refuse to change - Queen's poison, the actual fall, and the final sentence (for what I feel is it's poeticsm). But in particular I now have a new power word:

She forsook lunch, half eaten, like a Queen fearing poison. She struggled to the bathroom, lunchtime’s heartburn in her throat; foul gas on her breath. Her tablets, now within reach, would relieve lunch’s venom – BANG! Her heart blew like an egg in a microwave and she crumpled in the hallway, a shrivelling soufflé… Still. Lunch, strewn upon the coffee table, waits on; a luncheon unfinished.

"Venom" - isn't that better? Venom links in with the Poison. It gives the egg feel that definite sense of salmonella. What is still unnecessary however is the very last three words - it's the title for crying out loud (and the title has a free wordcount), so I shouldn't waste them, but utilise three words elsewhere. Also, we don't need to know that lunch is "half eaten" it's implied by being forsaken. Aha:

She forsook lunch like a Queen fearing poison. Lunchtime’s heartburn was in her throat; foul gas on her breath. She struggled to the bathroom, reaching for the tablets to relieve lunch’s venom – BANG! Her heart exploded like an egg in a microwave and she crumpled in the hallway; a shrivelling soufflé… expelling not just air… still. Lunch, strewn upon the coffee table, waits on.

I also played with the sentence structure and order there too. Did you see? And now we have "expelled air" which replaces the "lunch is her last breath" line from a couple of edits ago. But this still doesn't have the kind of punch I'd like. Time, I think to get some more power words in there:

She forsakes lunch like a philosopher fearing hemlock. Lunchtime’s heartburn is in her throat, its sulphurous reek on her breath. She flees to the bathroom, scrambling for tablets to relieve lunch’s poison – BANG! Like an egg in a microwave, her heart explodes. She crumples in the hallway; a shrivelling soufflé… evacuating more than mere gas… still. Lunch, strewn across the coffee table, waits on.

And so I reached my final version. I swapped Queen for philosopher because I could use a specific poison, and since hemlock has connotations of Socrates, therefore... philosopher works, right? Consolidating the egg leitmotif the foul gas becomes "sulpherous". I want her to be in a hurry, already in fear of her life, so she now "flees" to the bathroom. "Lunch's venom" is allowed to become "Lunch's poison" - previously I didn't want to repeat the word, but since the first instance has become "hemlock" I can throw out venom - which has the feel of specific intent to kill rather than the more naturey course feeling we get with poison (our bodies can poison us). To give a change to the structure I decided to explode the egg before the heart and from there, after the crumple it felt better to "evacuate" more than gas because it wouldn't just be gas heading out the door would it? And finally, to make it more immediate I changed it to the present.

And there we have it. My breakdown of changes. What would you have changed?

Paid Companion - Solvey's Question Breakdown

Question 1) What pov did you use?
First person, present.

Question 2) Describe your protag with three basic characteristics (e.g. male, late 50's, hates sponsored swimming events).
Male, mid-thirties, searching for reconciliation

Question 3) What is your protag's name?
Unknown, and I guess... irrelevant

Question 4) How many secondary characters did you use?
Three - Father, Mother, and the Gull

Question 5) What was your opening line? Why?
He eyes me from the yard, his chest gleaming white against the scudding clouds.

This was originally:
He eyes me from the yard, his dull grey-white plumage setting him out as the brightest object on the shifting horizon.

And then:
He eyes me from the yard, his white chest gleaming against the black underbelly of the clouds.

As you can see, it's always been about the Gull (funny, that's the name of the piece - to give the sense that the Gull shadows everything in the tale from above). It therefore seemed best to jump straight into the situation and move around that, either backwards or forwards in time. I just had to make the sentence work properly. I originally wanted to give time and place immediately but there was too much going on - "shifting horizon" is moved to the second sentence - opting on the second pass to off-set the white of the gull against the black of the clouds, but scudding works so much better, doesn't it?

Anyhoo, note how I've really pulled back on the description of the gull - everyone knows a bird has plummage, that they have grey feathers upon wings and back... but what's important is that first image, that the gull is white (chest) against the dark clouds. Everything else is unnecessary filler - brevity!

Question 6) How many names did you invent (e.g. place names, character names, shop names, etc.)?
None. I didn't even make up a name for the boat - how odd, me thinks. Actually, the only naming I do use is in relation to the shipping forecast designation areas - Plymouth, Fitzroy and Biscay.

Question 7) How many similes did you use?
Similes: 5
... the way a child keeps momentum on a swing... looks as if he’s master of all the sea... like the ferocious jaws of a shark... like a landing parachute... he dines like a captain, feasting on the finest crabmeat

Question 8) Did you use devices of sound (e.g. alliteration, assonance, consonance, onomatopoeia)?
The most alliterate line is:
But the sea has a cold heart, and though she may tranquilise the most turgid of tempests...

But the story makes very specific use of sailing and fishing terms, be they in describing the protagonist's face:
Father’s lineage has bestowed me with his waxy, chiselled features, a sailor’s skin rigged to withstand the constant saltwash

his hurried work:
... my body braced against the open-air cabin as I cast the last clove hitch between the port railing and my stash of pot traps... knock down the sails, secure all trappings and lay ahull...

Or in the anthropomorphic personification of the sea and her anger:
... listening to the sea’s rush along the keel... the glint of long black teeth gathered on either side. One after another they crashed over the gunwales like the ferocious jaws of a shark... as the sea began to circle, hissing and scolding me with her salty spit and slapping the hull with her angry fins.

Question 9) What primary/secondary theme/s did you use?
The primary theme is in the companionship between man and Gull, and the symbiotic relationship this specific two share - the partnership of man and nature.

Secondary to that and underlying the whole thing is the protagonist's relationship with his fisherman father and the life he's spurned in favour of a wife and a land bound life. Ultimately we have the return, but for what reason? I leave that up to the reader for the time being... I've said too much

Question 10) Which of these did you intentionally use?: violence, sex, profanity, death, birth, hatred, love.
The violence of the sea, death of a parent, and the attempted reconciliation between hatred and love a child has for a parent.

5* Young Adult Openings

Still in the holding pattern before the final Potter I thought I'd sit down and investigate the openings of 5 YA books - in the hope that before I return to writing my YA book on a Library I might work out what I need to focus on:

1. Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone (JK Rowling)
   
2. Lirael (Garth Nix)
3. The Dark Portal (Robin Jarvis)
   
4. Northern Lights (Philip Pullman)
5. The Trolltooth Wars (Steve Jackson)

First and foremost one clear theme seems to reach across all of them: death. In all 5 novels the author has made clear the threat of violence, either to kill or murder. Interesting considering that these books are aimed at the young! But, there must be a reason. That threat immediately sets up a level of suspense - there is real danger here. Young people are less inclined to sit through long passages with no threat, because they want to feel in danger- as Ken Follet said some weeks back that thrillers and suspense novels do so well because readers want to be put into situations of danger and experience things they otherwise would not.

1. The Philosopher's Stone
   
   
   Rowling opens her book with the Dursleys - Harry's Aunt and Uncle. This sets up the ordinary world into which Harry will be thrust, and meanders along with not a lot going on - you can understand why Chris Little passed on it first time - the writing is no worse than the other four books I've looked at, and it's a good character study on exactly who the Dursleys are.
   
   Why do this? Why risk boring the reader with something so unconnected with the rest of the book? Although we are in the ordinary world, Rowling uses the opportunity to develop Harry's story from the start - that witches and wizards are out in the open celebrating. This helps to show how much of a "prune" Vernon Dursley is, and how hateful he will be towards Harry. Remember that in this one we spend four chapters with the Dursleys, up until the end of Act 1 (Philosopher's Stone is about 200 pages, so this is roughly right) when Harry moves from the ordinary world into the wizarding world. So, the Dursleys play an important role in fashioning who Harry is by their manner and the way in which they treat him - setting them up as Harry's first antagonists of whom he must overcome.
   
   However, we don't end the first chapter with just the Dursleys. Rowling relates strange occurrences - shooting stars instead of rain, wizard and witching folk dressed up, a cat reading a map, as most importantly whilst we are introduced to Dumbledore and McGonagall, and through their discussion setting them both up as caring and trustworthy characters, we are given the backdrop to the tale which does several things in itself - through the mannerisms and dialogue of the two professors we are given the badguy (Voldemort) and his evil deeds, the death of Harry's parents and that for some reason Harry is the boy who survived, that he is in some way special. There are question marks over whether Voldemort really is dead and there is enough tension presented by Hagrid's arrival with baby Harry (that these three are trying to protect him from danger) to sustain further interest.
   
   
2. Lirael
   
   
   Unlike Potter, Lirael opens with setting rather than character. While Rowling introduced us to the normality and hatefulness of the Durselys, Nix gives us focus in a mound - a place of darkness that (I guess - I haven't read this one) will bring much pain and suffering. From this mound Nix reveals a character shrouded in mystery. We know from the first book by his clothing that he is a Necromancer but Nix doesn't assume anything and shows him to us. Similarly to Potter we get hints of magical power, subtle uses, but we soon realise that in this case we are being introduced to the main antagonist, or if not him, at least one of the main badguys (Hedge) who will unleash the antagonist (Kerrigor). There is a momentary recap to bring us up to speed (just as in Potter), carried out through dialogue and plucked moments of narrative that feed off the dialogue for pointers, so that the reader feels shown rather than told, and we are presented with direct threat to the point of view character - Hedge - the threat of death.
   
   Onto Chapter 1, and we meet our hero Lirael, through whose anxieties about having no parents and being physically and spiritually different from her fellow orphans we learn of her history and her place. But there is no menace against Lirael, no threat to her person. This is a small matter since the seeds have been sown in the prologue. With Lirael we are invested into her worries over not yet having her awakening (a spiritual thing), and though it's her birthday (14) another child has (being only 11) had her awakening - and as such stolen the day from Lirael. So, although no physical stress, their is mental anguish. And we still have the dramatic irony of the prologue which means that we, the reader, are expecting whatever it is Hedge is doing to come by Lirael sometime soon.
   
   
3. The Dark Portal
   
   
   Jarvis's book again is different. After a very brief prologue that sets the scene immediately for the world in which we will invest our time - Mice communities, fearing monstrous rats and worshipping in some fashion the Green Mouse and then the danger of the Grill which leads to the sewers and danger. Straight away we are pulled into the world of Albert (a minor character, since by the end of the chapter he will be sacrificed by Jarvis to show the danger that the mice are in - more dramatic irony). Through Albert we have someone to invest our emotions in - he's lost in the sewers - and Jarvis has chosen to give us the extra anxiety that poor Albert being lost will mean he won't be there for his children's Mousebrasses presentation (don't ask, it's not as spiritual as Lirael's awakening - from memory I think it's adulthood). Before we have time to become bored by his moping and lostlessness, we bump into Piccadilly, another lost mouse, and through their dialogue exchanges we learn more about the world and the dangers - references to the rats, chief-rat Morgan and the sinister monster Jupiter. Threats of death soon turn into real death when the two stumble upon Jupiter's alter, we see first hand the exchange between Jupiter and Morgan (learn of his diabolicalness) and hear of plans (just as we do in Lirael) of things to come. Albert of course is eaten and Piccadilly flees.
   
   Out of the three books so far, this one is the only one with a thrilleresque cliff hanger.
   
   
4. Northern Lights
   
   An astonishing piece of writing (that slightly goes askew in book three, but nevertheless is a riveting read) that draws us immediately into this strange world and straight to our protagonist. None of the other four books do this, all opting to set the scene. Here we meet Lyra in the first word, her daemon, admittedly, not until the last third of the page, but nevertheless, Pullman draws us right behind Lyra as the reader goes with her, knowing instinctively that whatever it is she's doing... she shouldn't be.
   
   The hall is dark. She takes care to keep out of sight - she shouldn't be here. She flicks a glass and is told off by Pantalaimon. She disregards him - we understand their relationship (he's Jiminy Cricket and she's headstrong and possibly troublesome). She stops the ringing glass - she's not stupid and does listen to Pantalaimon, as if he indeed acts as her conscience. Pantalaimon wants them to be quick but she refuses every time she gets further - Pan is also the fearful part of her conscious. This is almost like a buddy-buddy situation. These two will play off each other throughout the story, which is compelling in itself. We can tell Lyra will get herself into trouble at future turns because of her behaviour here.
   
   When Asriel arrives Lyra isn't so afraid to stay hidden and saves her Uncle from being murdered. Her will to do what's right, despite getting into trouble for being there, draws the reader to her - she is somehow special, and not just because of her daemon (they all have them), but because we know that she is tricksy but also trust worthy. We know her nature is good and she will persist, despite the threats Asriel makes against her of breaking her arm.
   
   
5. The Trolltooth Wars
   The first of the five to open on a battle, with minor characters. Not much can be said for this opening beyond how well Steve Jackson always managed his battles - whereas I previously mentioned Rowling's wizard fight at the end of the Order of the Phoenix, here Steve Jackson manages his way through the battle so that it's not just a list of who is fighting who, is standing where, is dying how - admittedly this is made easier by the fact we don't know anyone and only have 3 characters names to learn - Donnag Kannu, Foulblade and Orcleaver.
   
   Jackson moves from one immediate piece of action/fighting, draws it back to give a brief paragraph on how this came to be and then darts back to where Foulblade has usurped a Strongarm's mount. We move swiftly to a new point of view, and follow a charge away from the battle, a chase and escape - all in 4 and a half (small) pages. We also have a Mcguffin - that we don't yet know the contents of - kind of like Marcelle Wallace's briefcase in Pulp Fiction.
   
   It won't be until chapter 4 where we meet our hero, however in the second chapter we go with bit part player Donnag Kannu to his master to relate what has occurred (giving no description of this master beyond the beady red of his eyes), and then once the game is set, Donnag is taken away for execution. Then, it's back to the Goblin camp, and a dark encounter with something we assume is from Zharradan Marr (great name), before they head off for the Black Tower.
   
   This moves along faster than the Da Vinci Code (SIC) on steroids, and feels better written too. We realise that none of these characters are good, but it doesn't matter - little boys are in for the ride of death and battling. The scene is set by the end of chapter two and we know from the title - The Trolltooth Wars - that this encounter between the two dark forces is going to have sparked the war. Can it be stopped? What's the Mcguffin? We've met Zharradan Marr, but what of the man in the Black Tower (Balthas Dire) - who is he?
   

The Reckoning - Solvey's Question Breakdown

Question 1) What pov did you use?
Third person limited omniscent. We stick with our protagonist, learning that which he already knows through his thoughts and the dialogue, and learning alongside him what it is he's dealing with. I wanted to keep this in his head, so that the reader is trapped inside him when we reach the climax - I didn't want the reader to learn anything that he doesn't know/find out.
Question 2) Describe your protag with three basic characteristics (e.g. male, late 50's, hates sponsored swimming events).
Male, late 50's, loves wealth but not celebrity.
Question 3) What is your protag's name?
We never learn it. I refer to him as He throughout, though, through the text we could associate him to the name Dives; Mr Dives.
Question 4) How many secondary characters did you use?
Two. His agent, whom we only know of as the voice on the other end of the phone, and the Capuan Venus, His Aphrodite; the marble statue he fell in love with and abandoned.
Question 5) What was your opening line? Why?
"He heaved the door closed, diminishing the throes of the party behind two inches of carved oak." - I wanted, right from the beginning to evoke a sense of grandness (which begins here; the door is made from oak, large and rather heavy) - obviously I don't have many words to devote to describing the look and feel of the room because of word limitations and my want to stick to the descriptions of the darkness, there're celebrations going on that our protagonist wants to be away from, and of course by 'heaving' the door closed, I am foreshadowing later weakness. I don't evoke character until the second line (which, I suppose, could have come attached to the first): "'Leeches'."
Question 6) How many names did you invent (e.g. place names, character names, shop names, etc.)?
None. No places are mentioned - just as with the previous competition. My work always seems to sit in a very tightly focused world, nothing on a grand scale, single, simple locations - as this is, the writing room. And the real people aren't named.
Question 7) How many similes did you use?
Similes: 10
... A circular room appeared before him like a developing photograph... as if the caller was trying to cross the rift between this sanctum and the rumbling revelry... party that beat like a headache... heavy and solid like shackles of steel... the shadows began to shift about him like oil on a tide... filling his lungs to the brim like a swimmer caught in a riptide... slipped from her slender legs like spun silk... moved slowly, deliberately, like a goddess... as if guiding creases from silken sheets... lips were as cold as stone.
Metaphors: 6
... dampening the throes of the party... when he’d composed at his desk... lifting rousing, singular moments from eternity’s bosom and lacing them into poetic verses upon the page... their talons knitted into Dive’s soul... adrift upon his vision... wheezed at the night-stream...

Now, that's a different flip from the last competition piece I did. Similies have trebled, and metaphors have dropped by a third.

Question 8) Did you use devices of sound (e.g. alliteration, assonance, consonance, onomatopoeia)?
There are a few interchangeable moments of alliteration, assoance and consonance.
Question 9) What primary/secondary theme/s did you use?
The primary theme is retribution for betrayal. Just as in the parable, Dives betrays Lazarus by not helping him and thusly, Lazarus goes to Heaven, and Dives to Hell. I wanted my protagonist "Dives" to have betrayed his muse, personified by Aphrodite's statue - the Venus of Capua (a different version of the Venus de Milo).

The secondary theme is wasted talent through narcissm and avarice. The muse has provided Dives with skills and abilities to create, manipulate and write, but it is clear from the text that he forsook that long ago, forsaking also his muse and buying into ghost writers to maintain his riches with no effort - clearly he's treated them badly, but we never learn how (it should be enough in the manner in which he talks to his agent, and his first words: "Leeches," about the party goers). And if you were a muse, wouldn't you be pissed off that you'd wasted all your effort and someone like him?

The third theme is unrequited love. Dives once shared with his muse, this room, their writing, their shallow love of their own images. Through him, his muse speaks on the page, but when he promised himself he'd give it all up, sign on some ghost writers and make money without effort, he chose to give her up completely, leaving her alone and loveless.
Question 10) Which of these did you intentionally use?: violence, sex, profanity, death, birth, hatred, love.
Death and love are clearly intentioned. Sex is intimated through the Venus' touching of herself. Technically she is ressurected, or reborn - the only link to the title (from the other, more well known parable of Lazarus), which I like to think relates the protagonist, Dives, to Jesus. He has power over the muse, power to create (his last words are: 'Every conquerer creates a muse') and so, just as Jesus arrived at Lazarus' tomb to reawaken him, so too does Dives return to his muse's tomb, and reawaken's her... only that power has become corrupted by the years, and his role as Jesus to her Lazarus is ironic. Of course this links immediately back to theme number one, and make the Capuan Venus, the muse, both Lazarus's. She is the one betrayed and the one ressurrected.
Extra words of note:
I have used two partial quotes at the end of the piece.
Dives says, "Every conqueror creates a muse", taken from Edmund Waller: “Illustrious acts high raptures do infuse, And every conqueror creates a muse.” Dives is reasserting his authority over her and yet, the Venus replies, "Cheat your landlord if you can and must, but do not try to short-change the muse. It cannot be done", taken from William S. Burroughs: "So cheat your landlord if you can and must, but do not try to shortchange the Muse. It cannot be done. You can't fake quality any more than you can fake a good meal." She knows that her will be done.

Of course this may all be read from not such a supernatural point of view. Dives is suffering weakness, shortness of breath, he's drunk, and then tightness and pains in his chest. Clearly he's having a heartattack, and is hallucinating. It is the good portion of his soul making him pay in these last minutes for the life he's led. From that viewpoint, the story is about guilt that we are never as good as the people we wish we were.

ISLAGIATT - Solvey's Question Breakdown

Question 1) What pov did you use?
First person, past tense, moving to present tense in the last few paragraphs – I wanted to bring the reader to the here and now as if our protag was reminiscing as she wandered her parents’ house, only to discover… well, I wouldn’t like to say at this point.
Question 2) Describe your protag with three basic characteristics (e.g. male, late 50's, hates sponsored swimming events).
Female, Early 30s, Hatred for her mother, adoration for her father
Question 3) What is your protag's name?
We only ever hear her father calling her Princess.
Question 4) How many secondary characters did you use?
Mother, Father, Dog, Mortician, and Girl on bed.
Question 5) What was your opening line? Why?
When I first wrote this (as a 1,000 word piece) for my NAW course, it began:
I used to look upon papa and her as love birds.
Rewriting the whole thing for the compo I changed it to this:
She’d steal me from the twilight world of my bedroom with dark eyes and hair like a nest of snakes.
I really needed to shore up the writing, give it some greater imagery than the “tell” of the first. I realised I didn’t need to tell the reader about the love between the parents. That would come through in the mother’s sorrow. What was important was the relationship between the daughter and her mother (She).
Question 6) How many names did you invent (e.g. place names, character names, shop names, etc.)?
None.
Question 7) How many similes did you use?
Similes: 3
… hair like a nest of snakes… suckle at the ends like a baby on a teat… a wraithlike wind-chime…
Metaphors: 9
She’d steal me… Papa’s voice sang… her perfume wreathed my head; the rainfall of her tears in my hair… The sky was forced to wear black too… It hung around the church spire, spitting angrily… She had masked herself in lavender… my lips tease the fleshy parts… bedroom materialises, dressed in dark-oaks and velvet velour
Question 8) Did you use devices of sound (e.g. alliteration, assonance, consonance, onomatopoeia)?
I end the piece with three sentences that begin: Here, as I…Onomatopoeia: squish, but nothing else.
Question 9) What primary/secondary theme/s did you use?
The subject of the piece, it seemed like a good idea at the time, actually comes last in the whole piece but has its nasty fingers threaded throughout. The whole concept began as one idea, based upon Terry Irwin being given the video of Steve Irwin’s death by Stingray. I wondered about the grief and angst associated not only with the loss but whether or not to watch the video. That all got turned on its head and what I wrote stemmed from Act two of Ingmar Bergman’s Fanny and Alexander – loss of a parent and infidelity – but I wanted to spin that around also. Finally, it was… well, I daren’t say because it ruins the ending.
Question 10) Which of these did you intentionally use?: violence, sex, profanity, death, birth, hatred, love.
Death, hatred and love.