Saturday, March 31, 2007

Failed to make the grade - Addendum

I'm over my rant now, I feel some vindication - though I won't say why.

What's more important is the emotions that spring from rejection - they're self indulgent, all-encompassing, depressive anger.

Why is that important? In order to harness an emotion, I guess, we need to understand it. In order to show a reader/audience the whys and wherefors, we need to have a true account... certainly so that we may understand its workings ourselves.

Bitterness. This is the strongest part of the emotion - the basenote, if you will. It clings in there throughout the other swinging emotions. How the hell could I be passed over? I need this! I'm there, really I am. I just need that little extra push, damn it. How can they be better than me?

Sadness. The midtones. Whilst not as overwhelming as the bitterness, or as strong and sudden as the highnotes, sadness brings on the real depressiveness. I want to throw in the towel. I'm never going to be as good as I want to be. I'm not up to the level that I'd hope I am. What's the point, when I'm passed over and I don't even understand what I'm missing.

Anger. The highnotes. This comes and goes the most, like a moth to a flame. It has me thinking that I should jack it in, complain, tear something up. Actually throw in the towel.

But, as I said, in the light of a new day, everything seems different. Life goes on, and so do we. The key to overcoming this is not just the understanding of new information, but the feeling of being understood and reassured, which takes me back to my discussion during Counselling Skills, now over a year ago, that people just need and want to be heard and understood.

1 comment:

esruel said...

Hi Rich
I wasn't sure if this was a rhetorical blog or not, but I couldn't resist adding a thought (or two). I just fel you're beating yourself up unnecessarily here. Having read your latest ss entry, and compared it to your earlier works, it occurs to me that you're really not too far off the writer you've always wanted to be. I did say, once, that you were destined to have a long and prosperous career as a writer, and nothing I've seen so far has managed to detract from that statement. It's pretty obvious that you weren't chosen on this latest project because you really don't need the experience. Let that sink in, and apply yourself to the rest of the course and your writing itself. I, personally, don't think you've got too far to go - though the last bit, the 'getting published' bit, is always the most difficult, as I know only too well myself!
Be positive, give yourself some space, and some credit.
Ah well, gotta go - one of these days I'll sort my own blog out!
Best Regards