They read LiToon.
Full of juicy, undigested ejectamenta from too many publishers' lunches, LiToon throws up the inside poop and outside phlegm fresh from the remnants of the book business. Expectorate the unexpected.
"For innocent souls wishing to conquer the publishing world in one fell swoop", says JK Rowling, "LiToon is the best possible place to start.*"
So spurn the spissitudes of fate, and remember:
Truth hurts. LiToon hurts more.
(*she didn't actually say this)