tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17171183.post4467901873120373138..comments2009-01-14T06:59:23.038ZR1Xhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02795008603868808516noreply@blogger.comBlogger2125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17171183.post-91511988330566848512009-01-14T06:59:23.038Z2009-01-14T06:59:23.038ZThanks Es,<BR/><BR/>1. That's part of my expressly wanting to hold back on too much explanation of what's going on - in showing her reading it I immediately lose the effect I'm going for - as it is, it's the teacher (Mr Gimli) who's reading it out. Though, I could at least give Rapunzel a copy of the story in her hands. But, as I say, I don't want it revealed too quickly as to what, who, where, why... I think that breaks all of Peter's rules about settling the reader in, doesn't it?<BR/>2. The pov shift is too jarring isn't it? I specifically want to mark a shift between just the thought of the inner Rapunzel-story working and Rapunzel's own "experience"<BR/><BR/>As for the scenarios... a bit of both, but not quite either :) And, it's intended to be a novel.R1Xhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02795008603868808516noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17171183.post-23892056910121898002009-01-13T23:00:47.359Z2009-01-13T23:00:47.359ZI did get two constants within two different scenarios:<BR/>1. I felt Rapunzel needed to be reading the story initially, her mind drifting into fantasising about being her namesake<BR/>2. The pov in the modern narrative had to be first, possibly 3rd, but not both.<BR/><BR/>Scenario 1. The modern Rapunzel was ravished in actuality by her 'prince' Holden, or<BR/>Scenario 2. She fantasised about it in the presence of Holden, who in turn, had his own fantasies abour Rapunzel.<BR/>Sc 2. has more licence for expansion.<BR/>Still no idea whether this is a short or not, or where else you may be going, which may make my suggestions redundant!<BR/>Seems like fun...esruelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02835679794930788599noreply@blogger.com